Monday April 13th, 2009

I was just re-reading my post from a week ago...how time flies and how things can change so quickly! We really did have a great spring break, but the projected activities turned out a bit different than what I had planned!

Last Wednesday evening about 9:30pm Khloe started having heart pains, the same type that she was having when we went into the ICU in March. It is a stabbing type pain that seems to circle within her heart, backing off to a dull ache and in the past has come and gone in about 5-10 minute episodes a few times a day, but Wednesday night it started being continuous on into Thursday morning. We spoke with the cardiology team several times from midnight on but because there were no other symptoms (shortness of breath, lightheadedness, etc) we did not go in to the hospital until Thursday afternoon when the drs became concerned that it was still happening. So off Khloe, Larry and I go to Primary's ER at a little after 4pm where they did another full work up on her heart...labs, ekg, Echo. Everything looked good, just one slight slip in her heart function on the Echo but they called it "borderline" and because everything else was still within normal parameters we got to go home at 10:30pm. Apparently she is having what is called "angina" or pain associated with less blood flow through the heart and while she has had it before, this time the worry was that it lasted so much longer (over 27 hours) than the past 5 to 10 minutes. All that can be done when this happens is Tylenol for the discomfort, unless other symptoms of distress are present and then we are now under orders to go straight to the ER if that occurs. Beside all the discomfort because of the pain and then being extremely worn out and tired because of lack of sleep, Khloe was fine after everything calmed down and after having Friday to recover was back to her "new normal" by Saturday. I, on the other hand, am still trying to get on top of being constantly tired but feeling too much stress to get any decent sleep; it goes with the territory I guess. :-) . But the humor for the week helps...this time for our trip to the hospital I took a moment to pack a bag with a couple of days worth of clothing and personal items in case we ended up staying again as the last two times I was not prepared and Larry had to bring things the next day. Well, Khloe, Larry and I decided that because I did this, we got to go home, so now we have decided that I need to take a packed suitcase along for each dr's visit just to make sure we don't have to stay!

I do want to share something with all of you that I was thinking about Wednesday night while sitting up watching over Khloe...many of you remember that when we adopted Khloe we had several delays in going to court to finalize her adoption because her birth father kept filing appeals to overturn the termination of his parental rights. Though there were no grounds to support his appeals, he had the right to file all the way to the Washington Supreme Court (a process of 4 levels of appeals), which he did, causing a little over a year of waiting for our family. The second time he filed an appeal, we had already scheduled the court date, followed by our temple sealing date because no birth parent in Washington had ever filed any more appeals after a first attempt, mainly because after that first attempt they had to finance the appeals process on their own instead of having a court appointed attorney. So, as I was preparing to drive in to teach a class to other prospective foster/adopt parents, I got a phone call from our very agitated and apologetic social worker telling me we had to cancel our plans for finalizing Khloe's adoption and therefore, our plans to be sealed together as a family, pending this appeals process which could take several more months. Our other options were to take the risk of going ahead, knowing that any further appeals we would have to handle ourselves without the support of the State, or we could even cancel the adoption and have Khloe placed with another family. I was devastated, having to call Larry and tell him, trying to remain calm in front of the kids and our babysitter, and as I said, knowing I had to teach a room full of hopeful foster/adopt parents over the next 3 hours, I was silently praying for help and guidance. A short time later I got into the car for the drive into the DCFS office and as I started to turn on the radio I felt impressed to leave it off and to continue my prayers in behalf of this new situation with Khloe. Suddenly in the quiet of the car I realized the chorus of the hymn "Do What Is Right" was repeating over and over again in my head..."Do what is right, let the consequence follow; battle for freedom in spirit and might. And with stout heart look ye forth til tomorrow; God will protect you, then do what is right"...and I knew Khloe was to be our daughter, that things might take awhile to be legally finished but that we would be sealed together as an eternal family and that we needed to fight for this with all our might and look towards the future with confidence in God and His plan for us. The huge change in how I felt instantly was amazing and later that night, as I looked up the complete hymn with all it's verses, I knew that song and the experience I had just had about Khloe and our Heavenly Father's plan for her in our family would be an example that I would never forget. Now, on that night last week all this came back to me once again, but with a new and added meaning...God still has a special plan for Khloe and our family and because we fought that battle eleven years ago to be sealed as an eternal family, we can look forth with stout hearts to a tomorrow, a forever future, together. How much that knowledge helped me last Wednesday night, and continues to now, as much if not more so than all those years ago.

How grateful I am to know we have a loving Father in Heaven who knows each of us personally and who provides just what we need at precise moments in our lives. He has blessed Larry and I with 7 wonderful children, each with their own story of how they came to be in our family, and were meant to be our children. Some might say it was all coincidence, each of those 7 unique experiences, but Larry and I know it has always been our Heavenly Father guiding us through those times and how much joy we have in our lives because we listened to Him. I know that even now, when it seems that we are being asked to face something beyond what parents should have to, that God is with us, and once again I draw comfort from Him.

This coming Thursday is Khloe's first official follow-up since her heart failure diagnosis. It will be an all day exam and testing at Primary Childrens. It is also Kindahl's 14th birthday, then Friday is Khloe's 13th birthday. Saturday is another cheer competition for Kindahl and then the Jr/Sr Prom that night and Larry and I are chaperoning (we have promised to not bother Jamin and Kaitlin and their dates too much!). We are also looking forward to Larry's cousin Tom and his wife Sherry coming to stay for a couple of days this weekend while they pick up their daughter Amanda from BYU. While all of this may seem crazy and hectic in our lives right now I want you to know that it is also just plain fun and sometimes that is the best therapy around!